Perfection
by MiraiYume
Summary: [Complete] This is a story about a youkai, but there's never one side to any story. It doesn't matter who we are, or how old we all must find a way to find ourselves.
1. Premise

Author's Notes: Happy New Year! As part of my resolutions, I'm finally getting stories posted, yay! This is a fun little piece that's been rolling around in my head for a while. It's a three-parter, so stick with me.

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

* * *

_Premise_

Rin wasn't naive.

The eight year shook her head, smiled brightly to herself. She was young, and though well aware of things she shouldn't have been, it wasn't as if she actually understood them. Sitting and waiting for the one she loved beyond all others to return, Rin puzzled over her short life. Certainly there should have been much to think about. The trouble was, she didn't remember.

Nothing. First there was darkness, and then there was Sesshoumaru-sama.

He was the first thing she remembered, standing over her, hazy to her eyes at first, gleaming silver, then in focus, amber eyes connecting with her own. She felt as if she knew him, though she couldn't say why. And when he didn't object to her following him, she continued to do so. It seemed like the only natural thing.

Still, there were moments when she was plagued by that which she couldn't define.

More often than not, this happened in her dreams. During the day she could avoid undesired almost-memories by occupying her mind with frivolous things, like she was now. She glanced down at the flower chain she was weaving. The blooms bobbed gently as she watched them. It wasn't working, her dream memories were infiltrating her. Those dreams where she saw faces, all similar to each other, all smiling at her, inviting her in. Then violent bobbing and weaving as everything was eaten away, stained by blood, and she was left alone. Beaten herself, she would find Sesshoumaru-sama, but it wasn't _her_ Sesshoumaru-sama, this one was hurt, _near death_, an utterly improbably scene. And then, right at the very end, she knew it was coming but she couldn't wake up in time, the wolves appeared with their slashing fangs...

Rin always awoke from these dreams trembling and rubbing her arms to make certain they were still there.

But Sesshoumaru-sama was always there, always watching her with one eye, she knew he was. He let her creep next to him, pretending he didn't notice, and she would curl up against his warmth and sleep the rest of the night with no dreams. He was always around when she woke up, and he always returned for her when her left, and he always saved her no matter where she was. And so, when Rin couldn't remember and she was in a mood like she obviously was today, she told herself what she always did. This was the way things were and the way they always had been.

Rin wasn't naive.

The twelve year old pursed her lips thoughtfully. She was sitting under a tree, along the edge of the field where she had been left. Deep down, she knew things hadn't always been this way. Childish as she still was, she still brushed aside such concerns because, for her, they weren't.

She pondered the being who had left her alone, save for Jaken and Ah-Un. She wasn't entirely certain when she had stopped referring to him as Sesshoumaru-_sama_ and instead thought of him as Sesshoumaru-_papa_. Not out loud, never out loud, she knew he wouldn't stand for it, but within her own mind, and in her heart, that's who he was. Her soldier, her savior, the one who had given her life. She loved him with all her childish heart, the creature who was invincible in her eyes, the being who seemed to love her also in his own distanced way.

He never asked anything of her, other than she stay where he left her, never demanded anything from her, other than she prepare her own food that he usually found for her, and he never seemed bored or bothered or impatient with her. In fact, he seemed to side with her over matters that included Jaken.

She could tell when the limit was being pushed though. Emotionless as he was, his eyes always narrowed slightly, the disapproving stare enough to make her heart break and she felt foolish for behaving as she was. Now, Rin smiled to herself, thinking of her papa's emotionless ways. She knew it was why she was so expressive herself, she needed to know emotions were real, that they happened, that she could feel them. And, in the time that had elapsed, she had learned his own little emotions as well.

They were just a little family, a word Rin had heard among villagers and the girl that traveled with her papa's half brother. The word family always made her think of her dreams, and the people that all looked alike. She longed to know if she looked like them, but her reflection in the water was never clear enough for her to tell. Besides, the longer she was with her papa the less real the dreams seemed, and the less often they occurred. The howling of the wolves only chilled her a little now.

Rin wasn't naive.

The sixteen year old scowled darkly to herself. She was left behind, again, and this time her papa had almost lost his temper. He had actually growled, though it was low enough she hadn't been certain at first. But no matter how much arguing, pleading, and yelling she had tried on him, he wouldn't budge. That growl, his firm voice telling her she _would_ stay until he came back, and then he simply walked away, as usual.

Bad habits are head to break though, and her loyalty towards him stuck with her.

So now she was pouting and pacing, beginning to question things she hadn't realized were bothering her. Like, who she was, or what she was doing, living with a bunch of demons. Despite his insistence that she stay behind whenever he left, he did allow her to enter villages on her own (though she was certain he watched) to buy clothes and whatever else she desired. She heard people talk, and she knew a human had no business living with demons.

And her memory, what of that? Faulty, a half dream world of a past and a living dream world of a life. Her faded nightmares still hit occasionally, but worse than they had ever been. She felt dumb, crawling next to her papa like she used to. So instead, she would curl up again, and try to sleep.

The thing that irked her the most though, she thought as she paced furiously, was how she couldn't help but do as he said. She simply couldn't disobey him. Rin tossed her head, her long hair catching the breeze. She didn't tie it back anymore, her childish ribbons tucked away, trinkets her papa gave her but she had outgrown. She revolted in the little ways she could.

Her bare feet brushed against the grass and she smiled as the sun warmed her. Never able to stay in a bad mood for long, Rin threw out her arms and twirled around, something she hadn't done since she was much younger. She spun until she was so dizzy she collapsed, ignoring the concerned looks from Ah-Un and the flabbergasted look from Jaken. Flat on her back, Rin laughed out loud, curling her toes in the grass, trying to forget everything that made her life complicated.

Rin wasn't naive.

The twenty year old knew of death, and resurrection. There was that fight, she had been pulled into it, the horrible spiderdemon-man who had tried to do horrible things to her. Her faith never wavered and once again, her papa arrived to save her, along with his half brother and everyone who traveled with him. She had seen the fight, seen what it was he had tried to protect her from, and after that girl had died to save them all, her papa's half brother had begged her papa to save the girl. She saw that sword used and she knew what had happened.

She knew of childish love and devotion and she knew of sacrifice. After all, what must her papa have sacrificed to raise her? That he had been fighting such a battle for all these years, and still protecting her, her respect for him grew tenfold. She was very perceptive when it came to him, and she caught the glints of loneliness in her papa's eyes whenever his half brother was around. She knew without a doubt that her papa would have saved that girl without his half brother asking him too. She understood the meaning of family, completely and totally, and she knew papa, stoic as he was, cared for his half brother.

And she certainly knew of the opposite sex. As she had been growing older, Rin hadn't missed out on the looks the boys in the villages had given her. As she was currently sitting near the village with the boy she had been visiting over the years, Rin smiled as he leaned in a little closer, his fingers tangled in her hair. She ducked her head, her smile barely seeable, and he leaned in closer. Rin felt impossible feelings within herself. Dueling emotions reigned within her as this boy asked her to stay with him, to stop running off in the woods as always. Rin told him to wait for her.

As she hurried back to her papa, Rin didn't know what to think, didn't know what to do. She didn't want to ever leave her papa's side, but she did want to leave. Little girls do have a way of growing up.

It wasn't going to work, she knew, his eyes were narrowed, and he wouldn't look at her. When she tried to talk to him, he shut her out, cast her away, sent her to live in the village without the possibility of ever seeing him or this life again. As always, she could only obey him, despite the tears shining in her eyes.

So just like that, she was thrust back into the world that she only half remembered, the world that had shown her nothing but hatred. Just like that, she lost the person who saved her, cared for her, raised her, and in the end, let her go, as all fathers must. She didn't know it for certain, but she was positive he checked on her often, watched her grow older with her own family, her own children, watched her grow old, her family grow, her own grandchildren.

Rin didn't tell of her past life – either one. She was a legend in the village, the girl who appeared out of nowhere, but she was accepted and loved, her bright smile welcome everywhere. In the end, it worked out for her, and she was happy, but she wasn't. She knew neither choice would have been the right choice, and something was bound to go wrong. It had become a losing situation ever since she had first laid eyes on her papa, hiding to recover from a battle. From that instant, she had seen him at his weakest, and she loved him for that and she loved him for letting her live again, but most of all, for letting her go.

Rin sat in a chair, an old woman, smiling at her grandchildren running around. The littlest girl grinned at her, a mirror smile of her own, as she tied a crown of flowers on Rin's now grey head. Rin smiled back, squeezing the child's hand gently, and her mind drifted back into her own childhood, of innocence that was never truly innocence. She loved her papa, and her faith in him never wavered. Even now, if she looked out the window, she was certain he was there, watching her, ready if she needed him.

Rin wasn't naive.


	2. Predator

Author's Notes: Here is the second part to the story. It may or may not make sense, but the third part will wrap it all up nicely.

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

* * *

_Predator _

The child slides out of bed quietly, glancing around to make sure no one heard the rustle of her movements. When it appeared everyone was still asleep, the child continues to make her way towards the doorway, clutching her small dolly to her chest. As she squeezes outside, the child looks out in awe over the moonlit night. Images that usually are bright and golden now speak of mysterious silver.

The child tiptoes through the meager garden, tiny hands still holding the dolly. On the outskirts of what she calls home, the child looks back, a funny smile on her face. The moon ducks behind clouds and she is left scrambling to see in the black light that is the real night.

Impatient with waiting for the light to come back, the child bravely heads into the forest once her eyes had adjusted well enough. Her little heart pounding, she passes familiar trees before taking a turn she's only taken once before. After seemingly forever, she recognizes the trees circling up, and then there it is, the little hideaway she found earlier in the day.

Her first thought is disappointment, because the creature is not there any longer, but then she wonders since she can't see through the entire clearing. She stays paused on the outskirts of the tiny clearing, peering into the inky darkness, but then the clouds pull away and the moonlight blooms through.

She feels her breath catch in her throat for just a moment as she stares at the way the ethereal silver glow sets the clearing ablaze, and then she smiles, her joy unexplained. Like the child she is, she flings her arms out and dances though the clearing, dropping her dolly along the way. Almost to the other side of the clearing she realizes this, but it doesn't interrupt her dance. With a twirl, a hop and a little bow, she looks up and there in the moonlight is the most fantastic figure she's ever seen.

He looks as though he has appeared from the moon himself, with his pale skin and long silver hair, and his regal clothes lead her to believe in his importance. She stands still, more afraid to move lest he disappear than attack her. When he doesn't move either, she looks over him one more time, her childish mind deciding that he means her no harm. She looks at his face, but it is blank and reveals nothing. Her gaze travels down the long sheen of fur and rests on his hand where she sees her beloved dolly. Her little mouth forms an 'o' and she looks up at his face almost shyly.

He still doesn't move and she is suddenly reminded of her neighbor's dog. The dog always stared at her as she walked by before lunging at her, yelping as the chain bit back when it reached the end. This fantastical creature was regarding her just as intently, but he also had an intelligence around him that frightened her if she thought about it too much.

She swallows, hoping it is a good thing she can't see any animal rage in the creature's face. For the first time that night a wind blows through, and she shifts slightly as the chill reaches her. His eyes widen slightly, and she watches an unknown emotion pass across that face. He looks directly at her and she blinks.

He moves then, and she shrinks back, though his purposeful, slow stride does not indicate a cause for alarm. He still says nothing, but when he stands over her she looks up, and up and up at him. His height surprises her, he is so tall, taller than her own house it seems. Without warning he leans over and gathers her close to him, close to his chest.

She forcefully relaxes her body, believing that if she doesn't resist he won't hurt her because of her cooperation. He hands her the dolly, which surprises her, but as he wraps her underneath the fur on his shoulder she is even more surprised. Still, she basks in the warmth and suddenly realizes how late it is, and how tired she is, and how comfortable she is.

"Where?" growls out the creature, but she is not surprised at his voice and only points in the direction she came. Then she curls up, clutching her dolly with one hand and some of the fur with her other, breathing deeply. The moon is hidden again, but this creature seems to glow without it, a silvery spectacle that is carrying her out of the clearing and to her home.

With her nose against the silken cloth that covers him, she takes in the smell of him, of the forest, of the wild, of things she doesn't know. She smooths the surface of the fur she was holding with one hand and hears a sigh from the creature. She smiles and closes her eyes.

She opens them again as they approach her house. He stops at the edge of the forest, and she understands that he won't take her any farther. As he disentangles her from himself, she watches his face but it remains impassive. When he kneels to set her down on the ground she starts to leave but impulsively turns back around. She hugs him, an action that seems to surprise him. As he is still kneeling, she also stands on tiptoe and kisses his cheek, right across where the pretty red stripes are.

"Are you real?" she whispers and he looks surprised again, but nods. She smiles, satisfied, and dashes off after squeezing his hand. When she looks back, he is still sitting there, watching. The moon sheds its light again and he shines, a haunted figure, and she goes inside, to bed, curling up and shutting her eyes.

News of a demon in the area stopped all children from playing freely the next day, and the child sat, watching the forest. She refused to believe the creature she met last night was one of the bloodthirsty beasts from the horror stories told by villagers. She waited patiently, but he never appeared again.


	3. Prey

Author's Notes: And here is the third part. It definitely worked out better than I thought it would and I'm pretty pleased at how this thing as a whole turned out! Just want to say thanks to midnightwaters, Elvin BlueEyes, and Charles Watford as well as everyone who has read this. It was a fun little piece to write!

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

* * *

_Prey _

The big white dog is stretched out, bathing in the moonlight. He's lying on his left side, so that the missing limb isn't immediately noticeable and Sesshoumaru wants it that way. It isn't often that he allows himself the luxury of ignoring emotions and this is a pretty big break for him.

It's just that he's tired of a lot of things and when he's in this ridiculous dog form most of that gets shifted to the back of his mind. Sesshoumaru's been realizing why his father loved this form so much. The thing about dogs is, they're pretty good at focusing on their immediate surroundings and conveniently not remembering things that happened half an hour ago, much less a couple hundred years or so ago.

His mouth open, Sesshoumaru's panting pretty hard, but taking a thousand laps or so around his territory is prone to a slight need of more oxygen. Truth be told, Sesshoumaru was pretty surprised at how the missing left foreleg wasn't a problem at all. Three legs were just as easy to balance on as four, and the challenge it provided was almost something he relished, even if he wouldn't let on.

Anyway, Sesshoumaru's never letting Inuyasha know it was practically a favor after all, because that's just not something he would do. As he's trying not to think of things, his nose twitches with the more and more familiar scent of human. There's certainly been changes to his lifestyle, but Sesshoumaru's not fighting 'em. Still, the ever increasing taking over of his lands by humans aren't something he particularly cares for, so with no effort, the taiyoukai heaves himself up and ambles off.

With his nose as his guide, Sesshoumaru follows the tiny scent, wondering what one person is doing out at this time of night, walking around in the woods. The moon takes cover behind the clouds and Sesshoumaru doesn't even notice his eyes accommodate against the sudden blackness.

With a flash against the forest, Sesshoumaru continues on, looking like the human he's about to confront. The distinctly feminine scent makes him wary, and he briefly wonders if a this'll be worth it or just cause needless pandemonium against himself. As he approaches what must be a clearing, Sesshoumaru holds himself back a moment, peering through the trees.

The moon appears again, causing the whole place to glow. A child appears, her black hair waving behind her as she dances through the clearing, her feet bare against the long grass. Something strikes Sesshoumaru deep within himself, and he refuses to acknowledge it but he still watches, transfixed. He steps forward, following, and his foot catches on something. It's a toy, a tiny replica of a human. Sesshoumaru picks it up, disgusted with humans and what they give children to play with. As of on cue, the child turns and looks up at him, breathlessly pausing as she stares at him.

The silver glow against her face instantly takes his mind back and Sesshoumaru can't stop it, he's powerless as he always was against this sort of thing that he can't physically fight. It's so easy to confuse this girl, this creature who also has long dark hair and dark eyes that stare up at him with no large amount of fear with that other one, the one who he refuses to name anymore. She doesn't move and Sesshoumaru doesn't either, because he can't, caught up in his own mind. He feels her looking at him and then stare at his hand and some of this world comes back to him as he feels himself holding the toy she dropped.

It's weird for him, standing there facing this child underneath the ethereal glow, as everything he's kept inside for so long still struggles to get out. He's looking down at himself looking at her, and the silence he hears is deafening, and all he can really see is Rin, the one he didn't want to name anymore, who he didn't want to follow him but then he didn't want to leave.

She shivers slightly, and this movement is all it takes for him to rush inside himself again, and slightly dizzy he feels something he once heard his father talking about, _regret_, and then he looks at this girl again, and he knows it's not Rin and he feels ridiculous for his silly behavior. All he knows is this girl shouldn't be out now, it's much too late and too dangerous, since there are still a few youkai left in the world. So he walks towards her, pretending not to notice how she shrinks back.

She doesn't run away, and as he stands over her he marvels at how small she seems, and realizes it has been a long time since he's looked down at a figure at his side. Before he realizes it, his resolve breaks and he reaches for her, plucks her right up and holds her close to himself. She stays limp and he knows she doing what she can for survival and he wonders what she knows about youkai and what Rin knew about youkai, and then he wonders why he never once held Rin and then he wonders what the hell is wrong with him.

He gives up thinking and hands her the toy and holds her closer and then to his surprise she snuggles up next to him. He thinks maybe Rin wouldn't have left if he had shown her more care, but then he knows Rin knew he cared, otherwise she wouldn't have asked him if it was alright with him if she left. Sesshoumaru worries himself with this dangerous line of thought and instead decides to end it.

"Where?" he growls out, surprised at how difficult talking seems. She points sleepily, and closes her eyes. Sesshoumaru begins walking, finding her village by its filthy smell, and wonders what's happening. As the moon has hidden again, Sesshoumaru looks freely down at this girl, noting the many differences there really are. Then he wonders why he cares. Then he wonders if this is what his father felt like, so long ago. Sesshoumaru had something to protect, but it outgrew his protection, something he hadn't foreseen. Were all humans this way? Had his father known this?

His quick paces cover the distance shortly, and he shakes her slightly, causing her to open her eyes. At the forest's edge he kneels to let her go - Sesshoumaru won't set foot in a village. He sets her free from himself and feels her watching him. He waits as she starts to run off, but the hairs on the back of his neck rise when she pauses. Warily Sesshoumaru watches her turn and approach him, and then she launches herself at him, her small arms encircling him in what he recognizes as a hug. This is even less a surprise as she releases him and grazes her lips across his cheek. He stays frozen, unsure of what is expected of him as she takes a step back but keeps her hand on his.

"Are you real?" comes her whispered tone and Sesshoumaru finds the question odd but nods all the same. She looks satisfied then, and turns away again. Sesshoumaru watches her head back into the village and when she's almost there she turns back, checking to see if he's still there. The moon chooses now to appear and Sesshoumaru sees her transform into an older woman, heading into the village that adopted her, and then she's gone.

He immediately transforms to release himself from these images, and heads to the other side of the village. Sesshoumaru bares his teeth at the lone night watcher, who panics at the unexpected youkai. Then fading back into the night Sesshoumaru bounds off, resolving to keep distance between himself and all villages. This sort of thing is unacceptable. The dog recognizes the emotions within himself, and suddenly he sits back, throws his head up, and lets loose a long, heartbreaking howl.

Sesshoumaru says goodbye to two girls that way, and decides his father was as messed up as he always thought he was, only now it seems it's genetic, and he's just as screwed up himself. He howls again, thankful that he's got a way to express himself when he never accepted it before.


End file.
